Una salsa muy salsa

3 large tomatoes
3 roma tomatoes
1 white onion
1 red onion
4 cloves garlic, or 1 small bulb
2 serrano peppers
2 tbsp Fresh cilantro, chopped (approx)  
1 habanero pepper
1/3 cup lime juice (approx)
2 tbsp canning salt

Dice all the tomatoes. Put in bowl.

Chop the onions. Put in bowl.

Chop the garlic finely. Put in bowl.

Chop the serranos finely. Put in bowl.

Chop the hababero finely. Put in bowl.

(Note: For all “bowl” operations, it is advisable to use the same bowl for best results.)

Stir everything up, then add lime juice and salt.

Stir some more so that the salt is thoroughly mixed in. Add more for taste.

Also adjust cilantro, garlic and pepper levels for taste. This one is warm and has a nice kick, but won’t make you sweat.

No warranties express or implied, your mileage may vary. Call your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. Side effects may include gastric distress up to and including death. May interfere with Pooping Well, dudes. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Filed under: Get The Fuck Outta Here!, What the Fuck?

Come In. Sit Down. Can I Get You a Cup of Coffee? Are you Comfortable? Let’s Talk About My Penis.

Background: About 12 years ago, I had an “infection,” it wasn’t that kind of infection, but an infection nonetheless. A quick round of antibiotics later, and everything was good to go.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward to 2008. I’m in a hotel in NOLA, and after enjoying some local fare, I made a pit stop in my room and notice that my output was, how shall we say? Tinged with red.

I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on the Internets. (Well, except on alt.furries.lame.tv.re-creations. Call me Doggie Bowser, MD. Don’t judge.) Anyway, I surmised instantly that this could not be a Good Thing, so I made a mental note to make an appointment with my (youngish female) doctor upon my return.

I won’t go into the details of that visit, other than to say that I understand the term “clinical detachment” much better, and also my doc actually LOL’d when were done and I said, “Usually when I get that done, it’s not covered by insurance.”

That visit led to a referral to a urologist, henceforth known as “The Cock Doc.” The Cock Doc, while a competent and highly regarded professional, has the personality of a bag of sand. Which made me uncomfortable because what better opportunity are you going to have to make dick jokes? Dick jokes are the universal social lubricant, as we all know.

A quick examination and history, and he decided he wanted to look at my bladder using a small camera. It took me 3 nanoseconds to understand that the odds were strongly against him working the camera down through my kidneys. The shortest trip from A to B was obviously via my urethra, and you don’t have to have a degree in physiology to understand the implications of that.

The procedure is called a cystoscopy. You need only watch a minute of this video to get a good visual on what a cystocopy is all about.

Yeah. So, anyway, the dreaded date arrived, and you can imagine that I entered the exam room with some trepidation; especially as it looks a bit like a medieval torture chamber, what with the stirrups and all. Yes. Stirrups.

Now, as you can imagine, you probably don’t want that camera run up to your bladder without a little something to numb the pain, and that is provided. In gel form. Delivered the same route that the camera will follow.

So after getting through being numbed up, and waiting for the camera insertion, it takes all of 15 seconds for him to say, “Can’t get in there. You have a stricture.”

Stricture?

“Scarring and closure of the urethra.” Of course, I think immediately of Hank Hill and his narrow urethra, but the LOL’s just aren’t coming for some reason.

“What do we do about that?”

“We’ll have to cut it open.”

Filed under: Beavis, You Are One Dumb Sonofabitch, Get The Fuck Outta Here!, LOLPENIS!, What the Fuck?

On Geeks

I am a geek. Total geek. Maybe with some more social skills than a stereotypical geek (which I attribute to being ambidextrous), but still a geek.

This means that if you give me something ubergeeky (like, say, an iPod Touch), I’m going to be out of commission for a while until I poke and prod it to my heart’s content. This means that if you talk to me, I probably won’t respond.

It’s nothing personal, mind you, it’s just the way we’re wired.

Anyway, now that that little mini-rant is out of the way, one of muh Tweeps sent me a Girl’s Guide to Geek Guys.

Most of the points there are valid, but there is one thing that was pretty much skipped, and that’s the old “In-N-Out,” if you catch my drift and I think you do.

Here’s another thing about geeks. Remember how they’ll poke and prod that iPod (or netbook, or server, or gadget or whatever) until they figure out all the buttons and what everything does?

Geek guys are like that when it comes to “naked time,” too. Exploration, curiousity, and trying to figure out how anything and everything fits together. And, since the feedback mechanism is their partner, they will do what you ask/tell them to do.

And, like the wise sage Forrest Gump once said, “That’s all I have to say about that.”

Filed under: Get The Fuck Outta Here!

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

I’m a pretty forgiving guy, overall, but you know what, I’m only giving you one fucking chance to cut my cock off.

After that, we’re quits, I think. I’ll take a pass on second chances of that nature

What a fucking chump.

Filed under: Get The Fuck Outta Here!