Fucked Up Valentines

@suziplasse started the #FUValentines hashtag yesterday, and it sparked my hashtag mojo, so I collected my contributions here (some edited):

For Valentine’s day, may I have this dance? Yes? Shit. I just came in my pants.

I know that we have six kids whom you adore. On Valentine’s day you should know, you’re the father of only four.

This month of Valentine’s, I know you’ll be spending your days. Fucking your boss – you know, we could really use a raise.

On Valentine’s day, there’s hot sex to behold. But I’m watching from the door, a sorry cuckold.

Once again, I’m spending Valentine’s alone. Waiting for you to come home from your date with Tyrone.

Here I sit, my heart all in tatters. Remembering her final words to me: Size Matters

I swore when we met, I would love you until death. Then one day you came home with cock on your breath.

When we first met, I swore you were my Venus. Now I’ve got a bad fucking rash around my penis.

This last Valentines day, with you I will pass. And beg you one last time to take it in the ass.

Roses are red, and walls are thick. I’ve cherished our time, but it turns out I like dick.

Roses are red, logs are hollow. I’m leaving you for her, because you don’t swallow.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Love is forever, and herpes is, too.

Filed under: ...And Your Mom's A Whore, Beavis, You Are One Dumb Sonofabitch, Go Fuck Yourself

We The Sheeple

Yesterday, I did my civic duty and went to the polling place to vote against the school mill levy.

Yeah, I know. Anti school! Anti kids! My feeling is that if we didn’t send so much money to those chuzzlewits occupying the Department of Education, we could buy all the shit we needed without going begging every year.

Oh, and BTW, the language on this one made it a permanent increase. I just wish there was a ballot option for “Fuck NO.”

Anyway, hanging outside the polling place was a Concerned Citizen(tm) (only thing missing was eau de Patchouli) gathering signatures on a petition to get bus service into the rural area of the valley.

As I went in, she accosted a soccer mom on her way out and said, “Would you like to sign our petition to get bus service in the valley on the November ballot?” Soccer Mom said, “Sure!” and happily signed the petition.

So, I went on in to vote, and sure enough, she buttonholed me when I came out.

I said, “If you’re getting this on the ballot, how are you planning on funding it? Public funds?”

“I don’t know. Mill levy? Grants?”

“Did you do a feasability study that I can read?”

*blink*

“Sorry. Not interested.”

Bet your ass, though, that this thing will end up on the fucking ballot in November, and people will vote for it because Hey! Bus service! Good for the environment & shit.

Then no one will fucking ride it, and the taxpayers will be left holding the bag. The Bus Board, or what the fuck ever, will blame the problem on a “Lack of Awareness,” so there will be expensive advertising campaigns on the public dime.

The thing is? Most of the people who live out in the valley don’t need to take the fucking bus anyway!

But Hey! Bus service!

Filed under: Beavis, You Are One Dumb Sonofabitch, Go Fuck Yourself, We're So Fucked

Ain’t No Hate Like Librul Hate

So, I’m checking in on Twitter today, and I see this from @RickSheridan. (BTW, I’m disturbingly close to calling people’s names with the word “at” in front. “Hey, has anyone seen at-Paul today?” Jebus, maybe I need some help here.)

Nice. RT @JMRsOMA @RickSheridan U look like a fucking pervert saying this & standing next to child of color I SPIT ON YOUR ASS 4 THAT CHILD

So, of course, I had to see what precipitated THAT outburst, and I find that the post that started the whole thing was this (again from @RickSheridan):

Don’t mind booing & hissing. Though I agree with Joe Wilson I don’t much cotton to calling the President a liar in that venue. #tcot #tlot

Wow. That seemed to me to be pretty much uncalled for, so in my own subtle way, I jumped into the conversation.

@RickSheridan Wow. That was incredibly fucking insightful. You stay classy, @JMRsOMA.

Which of course, resulted in this:

@pottymouthcon I’m glad you enjoyed it you ignorant hillbilly

Alright, now the game is ON.

@JMRsOMA That’s the best you got? Ignorant hilbilly? What verve! What wit! What charm! You hacked on a guy’s kid. You’re a hateful fuckwit.

@pottymouthcon Thats where you show your ignorance asswipe! What are you his mouthpiece? Fuck you, Fuck him, & God keep that kid safe!

Now here’s where it starts getting good, because I’m thinking at this point, “How in hell does a one-off comment about Obumble engender this?” And I figure now that I got the stick in the hornet’s nest; what harm in giving it a little stir! A little riposte to see what parry might come back.

@JMRsOMA I was right from the get-go. You are a racist fuckhead with nothing to contribute except bile and hate. Thanks for playing.

@pottymouthcon Im 4 real so get use to it bitch the kid w/be raised with values & traditions contrary to the experiences of his ethnic group

Wut? “The kid will be raised with values and traditions contrary to the experiences of his ethnic group.”

Then followed these streams of invective to Rick.

@RickSheridan WHAT U R TEACHING YOUR BLACK CHILD: It’s bad to watch anything concerning the first Black US President-Poor kid w/b fucked up
@RickSheridan WHAT U R TEACHING YOUR BLACK CHILD: To be disrespectful of the first Black U.S. President and that makes you unpatriotic~!
@RickSheridan WHAT U R TEACHING YOUR BLACK CHILD: Intolerance of Black men. White men like you of course are acceptable.
@RickSheridan WHAT UR TEACHING YOUR BLACK CHILD: To develop mixed emotions about people like #Kutcher who love people who look like him/her!

I’m still on the “values and traditions” of ethic groups, so I ask:

@JMRsOMA By your logic, then, should white kids be raised in white neighborhoods surrounded by other whites for purity of ethnic experience?

To which I get:

@PottyMouthCon Fuck you bitch, I have nothing more to say to you wannabemouthpiece

Wait! I asked a question, and I think I deserve an answer here, don’t you?

@PottyMouthCon Don’t go there with me you Ultra insensitive #Republican! It’s about demonstrating respect ESPECIALLY given the facts.

Respect!

@JMRsOMA Respect?!? It’s a two-way street, my friend. Now, one last time, please explain your REASONING – sans bile – if you can.

Still no answer here, and now we’re bringing up “facts.” I’m generally a fan of facts. Facts teach me stuff. Facts allow me to make rational decisions; not based on emotions. Let’s do. Let’s do talk facts.

@JMRsOMA I’m trying to give you a chance to enlighten me; to change my mind with logic and facts. Can you do that, or is hate all you offer?

I even put the lid on Potty for that one.

@PottyMouthCon I don’t give a fuck what you think, feel, believe. It’s clear you have no respect for the President of the United States!

Well, I can’t fucking argue with that.

@JMRsOMA That’s very true. But it has everything to do with his policies and ideas and nothing to do with skin color. I have the same…
@JMRsOMA …opinion of Joe Biden, Ted Kennedy, Chris Dodd, and many, many others for the same reason. NOT SKIN COLOR”

The conversation ended there, as @JMRsOMA decided to block me. (Which doesn’t do a fucking thing, since I can log out and see the tweets just fine anyway.

That’s not the point.

This is the point. This is why racism will never end in the US — not while people like this are so concerned about the “ethnic experience” only for their own skin color. If I said that white kids should be raised by white parents in white neighborhoods, I would be called a Klukker, and there would be figurative crosses burning on my lawn for daring to suggest this.

I have a great deal of respect for anyone who adopts a kid. As Rick said in a tweet to me; he expected this, and they’re used to it.

So much for content of character, eh, Dr. King.

Filed under: ...And The Horse You Rode In On, Go Fuck Yourself, We're So Fucked, What the Fuck?

Don’t Worry Citizen, Why Would Twitter Want to Track Your Links?

https://twitter.com/link_click_count?url=http%3A%2F%2Fbit.ly%2F14iTrb&linkType=web&tweetId=3870211703&userId=38265281&authenticity_token=e851ee1d071431c67388f3534b23d3ff9e461074

This is what is sent back to Twitter when you click on a link.

I’m not an expert on Twitter’s internals, and am not claiming as such.

I tried to access the link_click_count program directly using wget and links, but I get a 403 error, so I’m not sure what is being returned to the browser; probably just a “”Location: ” header that redirects your browser to the correct link destination. (I could do a network trace, but I’m too lazy and short for time right now.)

The request sends 5 parameters:

url, which is your eventual destination. In this example it is http://bit.ly/14iTrb

linkType = “web”

tweetID, which is, presumably, the status ID of the tweet that contains the link you just clicked on — and which is tied to the person who orginally made the tweet.

userId, which is, as near as I can tell YOUR user number within the Twitter system, and

authenticity_token, which is a huge hash of something — probably a unique identifier in the system; perhaps to detail that specific click.

Again, I’m not an expert on Twitter’s internals, and I don’t really care that much that they’re taking link counts.

What does bother me is that they can potentially follow YOUR clicking habits, and tie them to the users you follow. I’m not claiming they are using it for nefarious purposes, but the CAN. And someone with a subpoena CAN, as well.

I’m fairly certain that this doesn’t work with apps like Tweetdeck or Seesmic, and if you disable JavaScript in your browser, that will defeat it as well.

You can find some of the more technical info here.

I’m using the #fuckingstopit hashtag on this issue. Not because I think it’ll make any difference; but because I like to say it.

Filed under: Go Fuck Yourself

The Language of Debate

I woke up this morning and headed to my Bloglines page, where I subscribe to a few of my local lefty blogs.

I pretty much do this every morning to keep a consistent level of bile in my system, and believe me, it fucking works.

Anyway, I tumbled on to one that referred to “anti-reformers” and went on to call them (us) “fascists” for wanting the government to prop up private insurance companies.

I looked at that and said, “What in the blue FUCK do you mean by that?” Then, I wished upon them a skull-fucking, the likes of which haven’t been seen since Gunny berated Private Pyle when he was on the shitter with his rifle. But upon reflection, I decided that the skull fucking had already happened, since only a mush-brained O-Bot could make that logical leap.

Using “anti-reform” in that manner indicates some pretty deep intellectual dishonesty and laziness. And “fascist?” Give me a fucking break! You keep using that word; I do not think it means what you think it means.

But this language gets picked up and parroted through the MSM on a nightly basis, and the people who can’t be bothered to actually learn anything from somewhere else accept it as gospel.

Let’s get one thing straight: I have insurance through my employer, and it’s OK, but holy mother fuck do I hate the insurance companies.

Their policies are byzantine to the point of being unreadable, and Gord help you when you have to enter the bureaucracy. It rivals a government agency, and in fact, the way insurance is set up in my world, it is a quasi-government agency. Since I am (unwillingly) a union member, I have a grand total of 3 plans to choose from, offered by two companies. The opportunity for me to find a policy that is tailored to my needs is exactly fucking nil.

Plus, what I pay in a year to insurance, combined with what I pay out of pocket is fucking obscene. I could split that money in a concierge-style manner among my doctor, my dentist and the eye doctor, and probably keep everyone in business, and not have to worry if a claim is going to be approved or not.

This “reform” that HRHBPBHO calls for “sacrifice” from just about everyone except trial lawyers and unions. Not only that, but why aren’t we asking the fucking DOCTORS how we can help them lower costs?

You want fucking reform? Here’s PMC’s plan for reform.

• Tort Reform: This can bring malpractice premiums down, which in turn brings costs down. We’re so litigious that malpractice now means the smallest fuck-up. Doctors are humans and make mistakes. Let’s fix it up so that they have to make them right for the minor fuck ups, and yes, let’s sue the shit out of them when it’s egregious.
• De-Couple Insurance and employment: This has a double effect, a nice one being a reduction in the cost of labor for employers, it gets rid of COBRA, and allows people to seek out their own insurance plans, rather than one that hits one standard deviation from the middle of the Bell curve. Competition for insurance will also lower the cost in that arena as well.
• Reduce the amount of paperwork and coding that has to be done. Next time you’re at the doctor’s office, find out how many employees are dedicated almost solely to paperwork and administration.

Those are three things I think would make an immediate and significant impact. There are other issues, as well, but I think reducing costs in this manner would have a cascade effect, and maybe people who have been using the ER for primary care could now afford to see a GP.

The vast majority of people who work in health care want to, you know, HELP PEOPLE.

Let’s fucking figure out how to make it easier and cheaper for them, which makes it cheaper and easier for all of us.

Filed under: ...And Your Mom's A Whore, Beavis, You Are One Dumb Sonofabitch, Go Fuck Yourself, We're So Fucked

More Fuck-Ku

Fuck You, Joe Biden.
You’re a fucking asshelmet.
And your hair plugs suck.

Filed under: Beavis, You Are One Dumb Sonofabitch, Go Fuck Yourself

Creative Endeavor

Last night, I came up with a new idea to go along with Screw You Saturday, and I call it:

Fuck-Ku.

It’s a fusion of Haiku and Fuck You, and it’s brought me great joy in the past few hours.

Here was the first one that I thought of:

Michelle Obama
In Maxim’s Hot One Hundred?
I barfed in my mouth.

And a couple more:

Fuck! Six Syllables
In “Janeane Garafolo”.
What a fuckin’ hog.

Nancy Pelosi
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie.
You withered old hag.

Try your hand below. Should be fun!

Filed under: Go Fuck Yourself

Fuck You Friday <= Now Moved to Screw You Saturday

Not “Fuck You, Friday,” which has a different meaning entirely.

On this here new blog, we will have a recurring featured called Fuck You Friday where you can express your displeasure with anyone or anything with a hale and hearty “FUCK SCREW YOU” (OK, you can still say FUCK if you want. I don’t mind. I’m not a big stickler for protocol here.)

I’ll do a couple here, just so you can get the feel of what we’re going for.

Fuck You, Nancy Pelosi.
Fuck You, WordPress.com for adding the goddamned “1″ category every time I fucking log in and delete it.
Fuck You Sylvester the Cat Barney Frank.
FUBHO.

I think you get the picture.

Feel free to chime in below, and you can even tell me to fuck off, if it makes you feel better.

(Repeats are welcome.)

Filed under: Go Fuck Yourself

Be The Parent, Danny, Be The Parent

So I’m sitting there (actually here, because if I were there I could tell you this right to your face and spare the world this cuss-fest) watching Hannity and some Bimbette is on the panel talking about how the people elected Obama because they really feel like Government can fix their problems for them.

It’s times like this that HG Wells’ vision of Morlocks and Eloi really hit home for me, and you know what? I’m a fuckin’ Morlock. And I look forward to feasting on you well-kept fucking Eloi because you’re really too stupid to be anything but overblown cattle.

Christ, right now I’m thinking I could have done a master’s thesis on how “The Time Machine” was really a metaphor for socialism before Orwell even had swine-flu induced visions, but I know that it would have gotten me nowhere, because there’s not a “humanities” professor alive who’s intellectually honest enough to consider it.

Fuck.

Oh yeah, the “be the parent” theme I was going for.

If you have kids, and you give them everything they want all the time, what incentive do they have to get off the tit?

Some of you are going to have to think about this way longer than others, I’m sure, but the rest of you already know what I’m saying and I’m preaching to the converted.

Filed under: Beavis, You Are One Dumb Sonofabitch, Go Fuck Yourself

I Love A Righteous Comeuppance

Arlen Specter (D,R,D Douchebag) has learned the hard way what most of us have known all along: Democrats will fuck you in the ass any chance they get. They will fuck you in the ass, Arlen, even when they promise you shit like keeping your seniority.

And knowing how they’ll fuck someone who’s defected to come over to their side, what makes you think that you aren’t going to get the John Holmes treatment when Universal Healthcare comes around, citizen?

Filed under: Beavis, You Are One Dumb Sonofabitch, Go Fuck Yourself