Poop Well, Dude

Some new followers, when I ask them if they are pooping well, get confused as to just what that means, so I thought I might flesh out the “back” story, so to speak, for easy reference.

Hearken back with me to Fall 2009, back in the halcyon days when our health care was not yet nationalized, and we romped gaily in anticipation of free unicorns for everyone.

I’m not one to use work facilities for disposal of solid waste unless the containment fields are failing and a warp core breach is imminent.

That day was one of those days. I got a distress call from Scotty that the fields were failing fast, so I was forced into a stall.

As the warp core was ejected into subspace, I noticed an etching on the TP holder. It said simply, “Poop Well, Dude.”

I pondered these simple Zen-like words, and realized that in my fear and loathing of the communal commode, I was NOT pooping well. Then I started to giggle.

Which you typically don’t want to do when perched on the john.

I wondered who this philosopher was, and what drove him to share this wisdom, so I did what I always do with a tidbit like that, and I shared with Twitter, as you can see here. I knew that my Twitter pals were as twisted as I am, so it seemed like a natural fit. The Tweeter formerly known as @badnabes demanded photographic proof, and I was happy to comply.

Only one problem: due to my infrequent use of the facilities, by the time I returned to the stall, the words of wisdom had been removed.

This put me in a bit of a pickle, as you can well imagine. Without photographic proof, the words may have been something I made up (even though I’m not nearly that clever.)

What to do?

The only answer, it seemed, was to reproduce the objet d’art, but I wasn’t sure how. I’d never etched anything in a bathroom before. What is the preferred tool of the discriminating toilet stall etcher? An awl? A used-up ballpoint pen? Belt buckle?

I decided that the punch on my Leatherman would suffice, so I arrived early one day with Leatherman and camera in hand, and went to work.

The crime was committed in the span of a minute, and I had only to complete the photographic part of the mission, which I did.

You can find that picture here.

The resultant lulz continued apace, as it became a greeting: “Morning, Dude. Pooping Well?” Then, as time went on, a whole ethos started to grow around Pooping Well, which became known as the PWD Ethos, because Pooping Well is the cornerstone of a life well lived.

There are things that contribute to pooping well, and there are ways NOT to poop well.

For example, taking the middle stall of 3 when the others are unoccupied is NOT Pooping Well, Dude.

I’m sure that you can think of many examples from your own life.

Now you know the history of “Poop Well, Dude,” and I have five minutes of your life that you wish you could have back.