As originally posted to Twitter. This list may grow.
- Remembereth always the words that were handed to you by the un-named. “Poop Well, Dude.”
- Gord has provided you with bounteous TP, fret not about the amount you use. Cleanliness = Gordliness.
- Thou shalt not leave the bowl such that it runneth eternally and the handle will moveth no more due to thy gluttony with TP usage.*
- Thou shalt use the air freshener provided so generously by your host. Gord smiles when you spritz.
- Checkest thou thy leavings before you exit. Gord is mightily displeased by “remnants.”
- Thou shalt avail thyself of a courtesy flush. Especially if thou hast imbibed the evening prior.
- Thou shalt avoid eye contact with other patrons as you leaveth the stall. Gord hates out of the closet poopers.
- Thou shalt not announce thine intentions to those within hearing range of your cubicle or office.
- Thou shalt not yap on the fucking cell phone while enstalled, for Gord will smite thee with furious vengeance.
- Thou shalt survey the TP before entering, and after you are done. Gord is pleased by full TP dispensers.
- Thou shalt not occupy the middle stall, when others are available.
- Hangest thou the roll so the TP is at the BACK. Gord has deemed it to be so, and will brook no argument.
*Courtesy of Sheri Gilmour.
Fret not. HEH. Handed down by the mysterious and unnamed Author of the Etchings. Like ancient scrolls. Only . . . not.
Oh my Gord, these commandments are so excellent!
“Gord smiles when you spritz” — epic.
Do you mind if I print and copy this? I know of several public facilities that could use a reminder.
I must take issue with #11…..It is necessary for the paper to come over the top so you can stop the flow of paper with your elbow and tear off what you need.